The Outgoing Introvert:

Have you ever noticed how numbers are then same in almost every western language. I guess in the eastern languages they are different, but in most of the ancient ones they are very similar, even if in sound only, including the Gaelic I have been using. Another clear link to our sameness.

The Outgoing Introvert: An outgoing introvert is able to relate to other people easily, but needs to be alone in order to recharge and feel better.

It’s a term that has been popping up in my sphere for the last week.. I think finally I have found a term that fits me. I have often joked that I would be very happy on a deserted island and my friends all look at me like I am nuts, “No way, you love talking to people, you are so social.” Not really true. I am fascinated by peoples motivations.. not the person themselves necessarily and honestly the quiet life is or me. I have an internal struggle between having a basic mistrust of humanity and on an individual level feeling very comfortable talking to anyone. I know that on a moments notice a crowd of people can and will turn into a murderous mob. While I also trust that a friend will do whatever they can to help, if asked. I know that I need people, that is how we run business, how we do anything in the socialized world and so I try and collect people who are excellent and understand sometimes I need to disappear for a few days.

I had a friend once who could not handle it at all. He would berate me and get incredibly angry with me, “But I needed you!” ..  The need was more to spend endless hours on the phone talking about other people I did not know or care about and bitch about how “hard” life is. Spending hours on the phone is torture. That said I always felt guilty I couldn’t be the friend he wanted me t be. So we parted ways.

The other part that I was relieved to read is some of us have some social awkwardness that I have always felt.. my friends always tell me I am over analyzing it and that we are all awkward. The TED talk on shame really illuminated that at least I am not crazy and that we do all have some issues with social grace.

I know that I am a bit “different” in my approach, but I am learning to embrace it. I decide to be friends with someone and then, maybe slightly aggressively, pursue them. Sometimes it works out. It is not a sexual thing at all, I have a husband that I love. It is more I will meet someone that I actually like genuinely (not that common an occurrence) and I do what I can to bring them into my life. As an adult there are not a lot of places to “make friends”. I just insist on making those shared experiences that are at the foundation of friendship one meal and coffee at a time. It has worked out great in a few cases. In others it became clear that there was a reason our paths don’t cross. I blame my picker on those.. in those cases I didn’t pick people who are good for me to be around in the long run. Those that worked, make the others worth it.

I also deeply believe that people come into our lives to teach us things. When the lesson is complete, those people go.

If you are like me this is a great article: Thought Catalog

This one is my favorite – 8. You’re accused of being flirty with everybody, which is hilarious, because in reality, you can only tolerate like four people.

After years of therapy, I finally realized that my Dad is an introvert and that is why he is so socially adversent, despite being very graceful and why, yes, he drank so much. The shyness is just too much for him and the alcohol was his medicine to get through it. He now lives by himself, gleefully, and spends most of his days alone, very happily. He is a golfer, so he gets to go be among people, but not really need to interact except with those few he chooses to play a round with.

I finally get it and I realized that he and I are even more alike than I thought.

Bye for now. Thank you

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